Lord I Want It But I Don’t Know How


How one overcame the hurdle of fear and doubt to recieve the gift of the Holy Spirit

Staring in the mirror I question why I continually try to rationalize God’s power.  I want more of God but I can’t seem to grasp the concept of how He does such wonderful things.  I don’t know…maybe I’m not ready to take that step.  My name is Melissa and for the past four months I have been living my life according to the Word of God.  I realize that’s not a long time but I have to start somewhere.  I’ve accepted Him as my Lord and Savior, I’ve been baptized in Jesus’ name, now I must receive the Holy Ghost.  No matter how hard I try I just can’t seem to tap into that “Holy place” others tap into when they receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.  Every time my pastor ask if anyone needs to be filled with the Holy Ghost my heart starts pounding uncontrollably and it’s hard to swallow.  On one hand, I feel it is something I need to do then, on the other hand, I feel like I should put it off.  But how long can I walk around as an empty vessel?  The saints around me can go so deep into worship that every sound from their mouths is the utterance of tongues.  Maybe I should go to the altar next Sunday and state my desire for the Holy Ghost.  No, no, no because people are going to be watching me and I can’t have that.  Dang it Melissa, just get it together, we need this or at least that’s what they say right?  I know what I can do!  I’ll just pray everyday asking to receive it and then I’ll Google techiques on how to tap into that “Holy place” so I too can have God’s spirit inside of me.  *Sighs* This is bull!  I’ll get it when I get it.  If God wanted me to have it, then surely He would give it to me.  As a matter of fact, I heard that God will give you the Holy Ghost when you are ready, so apparently I’m not ready. 

…That following week Melissa continued to pray for the Holy Ghost…and the week after that…and the week after that.  Desperately she Googled ways to open her mind to receive it and came up with nothing.  There was no rational answer as to how one receives the Holy Spirit besides having a repentant heart.  Sunday after Sunday Melissa went to the altar searching for that “Holy place” only to leave church once again as an empty vessel.  She couldn’t focus on God because she was too busy focusing on others; What they were doing, what they were saying, how they were acting causing her to miss God every time.  She failed to realize that one must have a heart of repentance and sincerity then, God will fill them with His Spirit and the evidence will be tongues.  There is no techique.  If you can’t seem to receive the Holy Ghost, like Melissa you may have a case of unnecessary mental blockage; looking for a “Holy place” that doesn’t exist.  You can’t google your way into God’s presence.  You have to step outside of yourself and remember that we all need the power of the Holy Ghost and submit yourself to God.  If you knew you were going to die tonight you would be stretched out on the altar trying to get as much of God as you could, not caring who saw you.  That same mind frame is needed even now.  I, myself am working on adopting this same mentality.  Needless to say, one Sunday Melissa’s pastor really touched her heart with his sermon.  During altar call she made her way to the front with tears in her eyes and a tender sincere heart.  With her arms stretched wide,she cried out to God and the utterance of tongues shot out of her mouth before her pastor could even touch her.  From that day forward, Melissa understood that God isn’t a figure of our imagination but He is real and so is His Spirit.  All a person needs to do is study to know Him and what He wants and how He operates is the Bible…not Google. 


Acts 2:38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.




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