My Sister’s Keeper

Out of my twenty-five years of living, I can truly say that I do not see many women supporting each other sincerely.  There seems to be an underlying competition of one being better than the next.  When did we as women lose our self confidence?  Why is it so hard to appreciate the next woman achievements without comparing them with our own or someone else who may have a little more?  God created us all with a specific purpose that no man can take away meaning regardless of what your neighbor may be doing, it will not strip you of what God has planned for you.  For example, when a woman is being blessed by God it is okay to celebrate with her, her success is not going to cut into what God has coming for you.  Somewhere down the line our sisterhood has been lost, tossed aside like an unwanted bill.  Everything is not a competition and if you find yourself sizing other women up by their level of attraction, please have several seats.  That alone shows that you are struggling with low self confidence.  Of course, we all are struggling with something but do not allow your struggles to cause you to belittle another individual.  It is amazing how we as women can tear each other down and feel some type of gratification afterwards.  The word shameful does no justice to describe the act.  If you see someone lacking in their confidence, try encouraging and complimenting them out of love rather than pouncing on their weakness to make yourself feel better.  If you see a woman going through a storm, take time out of your busy day to uplift her in prayer because we all will need help at some point in life.  So often have I witnessed men toy over multiple women only for the women to go after each other excluding the male as if he had no part in the entire matter.  Fighting and hating each other over a man, competing in a dead end competition that neither can ever win because they have already lost when they “allowed” the man to disrespect their value.  In the meantime, men sit back in the cut with a big grin because he is the only one gaining from the situation or at least that is what he thinks.  We are worth so much more than this and it is time out for the pettiness.  I pray for unity amongst black women especially.  We have to be twice as good at anything we set out to do to receive even a portion of what we deserve and the last thing we need is to be divided.  Easier said than done but difficulty does not mean impossible.  When we tear each other down we teach our children to do the same and they teach their children to do the same thing so from one generation to the next toxic is being passed down.  It has to stop somewhere, why not right here with you and me?  Personally, I feel driven when I see another positive black woman working towards her goals and stepping out on faith to do so.  Ladies as you are reading this, I hope there is a desire to set a better example of how you treat other women.  Don’t be afraid of losing your place by being supportive and respectful to one another, especially the young women who are trying to do something with their lives.  Let’s not forget to lead by example to those who stand in need of guidance as well as encouragement to make better decisions for their lives.  I am not perfect and I am working on this as we speak and I challenge you to do the same.

“Why can’t women get along?  Because we’re afraid, we’re afraid to be vulnerable.  We’re afraid to be soft, we’re afraid to be hurt.  But most of all, we’re afraid of our power.  So we become controlling and aggressive and vicious.”  -Iyanla Vanzant

Earlene J.

I Do To You, What You Let Me Do!

I only do what you allow me to.  See, what you need to understand is that I don’t force anything on you, I never have.  All of those times I came in the house during the wee hours of the morning drunk, yes, you allowed me to do that.  Of course you bickered and screamed but guess what, you allowed me to stay right there.  That alone showed me it was okay and I could do that any time I choose to.  I don’t know why you act surprise every time you find out I’m cheating.  It’s nothing new baby, remember I had a woman when I met you.  Oh, it was okay then but it’s not okay now?  Okay that’s cool, I understand.  Please don’t cry.  I hate to see you cry but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop doing what I’m doing.  See, what I do feels good to me.  You are the only one with the problem and as far as I’m concerned it’s not that much of a problem because you would leave…right?  Aww, girl stop watching me from the corner of your eye to see if I’m going to leave my phone with you while I take a shower.  You know my phone goes where I go and yes it is plenty for you to complain about if you ever get your hands on it.  Too bad you can’t see what it is… *laughter* It wouldn’t matter anyway, you’re not going anywhere.  All I have to say is how much I love you and how I really can’t stand the person I cheated on you with and you’re right back where I need you…under Big Daddy’s spell.  See, I only do what you allow me to do.  Please don’t be surprise when I call you out of your name.  You know I was just angry.  I didn’t really mean the things I said.  Do you forgive me?  You do?  That’s what I like, stay right here under Big Daddy’s spell.  Ooou, that’s your daughter?  How old is she?  Oh okay, 14 huh?  She’s fine just like her mama.  I think I want her more than I want you.  Aww, girl stop getting upset.  You know I’m only playing with you.  Besides we are a family, I would never do something like that and risk losing you.  Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this weekend I’m going out with the guys, don’t wait up.  Excuse me?  You’re going to change the locks on the door because you are tired of me partying?  Oh okay, that’s cool.  I’ll just go somewhere where I am appreciated.  It is plenty of women who want me and my money so you go ahead and change the locks and watch me change my address.  Don’t cry now!  You don’t want me anyway!  I Should stomp a hole in you for disrespecting me.  As a matter of fact, I think I’ll do just that.  We all know you are going to drop the charges anyway.  Look at you…walking around with your shades on hiding that black eye.  That’s love girl, don’t hide it, show the world.  See, I only do to you what you let me do.  I won’t lie, it’s hard to get turned on with you all swollen and a man has needs.  I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean that.  Here you go, take my credit card and buy whatever it is your heart desire.  I’ll make sure your daughter makes it in safely from school.  Yeah, that’s a good idea you should buy her something too.  Boy, boy, boy this woman is like putty in my hands.  She is too dense to even see what’s taking place right before her own eyes.  Big Daddy’s spell is no joke!

*A month later*

Your daughter said what?  Baby, listen to me I know I’m not perfect but I would never say something so inappropriate to your child.  She’s just like my flesh and blood!  Don’t listen to her lies!  I’m crying because I’m hurt by her accusations not because I’m guilty.  She just doesn’t want us together.  Look around you…look at all the things I provide for you all.  I love you more than anything in this world.  Your daughter is just hot and fast, seeking attention.  I tell you what, we’re all going to start spending more time together.  Yeah, you like that idea?  You do, huh?  Okay, it’s a deal.  Come here girl, let me take your mind off of this nonsense.

*6 months down the road*

Baby, I don’t know why you are acting so crazy!  Oh, so you want to fight?!  Don’t get knocked out playing around with me, you know I’ll shove my foot up your butt.  Rape?!  Rape?!  You’re mad because your daughter said I raped her?!  Man, don’t nobody want you nor your daughter!  Police?!  Girl you better put that phone down!  PUT THE PHONE DOWN!!…Now you see what you made me do!  Don’t make no sense I have to pistol whip you in order for you to behave yourself!  Yeah, I took it so what!  Tell your daughter to stop walking around here like she’s grown and she won’t receive grown up things.  This my house and I get whoever and whatever I want!  Oh, now you’re hurt?  You can’t believe I did this?  It’s okay to be with other women, I just can’t have your daughter?  Well baby it’s too late, she’s not a virgin anymore.  So, dry your eyes and shut up because you see, I only do to you what you let me do.

So many times we as females ignore signs of a “no good man” because we’re blinded by something, whether it is money, lust (never love because love isn’t pain)the fear of being alone, etc.  We put up with the same mess over and over and over again then, wonder why we keep getting our hearts broken.  Open your eyes and realize you can do better than what you are putting up with right now.  If it hurts, it’s not love!  Love yourself first before seeking someone else to love you.  Don’t allow those connected to you to be hurt and torn because of your stupidity of purposely looking pass signs that are there to warn you. 

Proverbs 14:16 One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil but a fool is reckless and careless.

Earlene J.